I run because the journey continues..

For the past several months, I pushed myself hard to get into the kind of shape to attempt running the fastest marathon of my life. It's much tougher to get into this kind of shape than it used to be. On several occasions during my training cycle, I knew I was perilously close to pushing my body beyond what it could reasonably handle.

But, walking that fine line is what's required if you're going to attempt a personal best and truth be told, I was aiming for much more than a personal best. I was aiming to post a time that has been rattling around in my head for over seven years. It's a time that is emblazoned on my Road ID bracelet. It's 2:39:59. This time is nearly 4 minutes faster than the personal best I set in 2008.

I made a promise to myself that this would be the last serious marathon I would run if I managed to notch a 2:39:59 (or faster). My life has changed so much since 2008 and the opportunity to train seriously is very hard to find. This sense of finality permeated nearly every workout I did in preparation for this race.

When I felt tired and didn't want to run intervals, I reminded myself that I wouldn't have to round the track anymore once I accomplished my goal. When my legs felt like lead and mutinied in the latter stages of a death march, I reminded them they would get all the rest they needed soon enough.

Taper arrived and I was almost expecting something bad to happen. I have been thwarted on several occasions and hadn't been thus far. Race day was no longer months away, it was nearly upon me.

I like to think I've encountered just about anything one can encounter during a marathon. But, that's not true and never will be. There are always things we can't predict and can't control. For example, the weather.

The forecast for the Sunday of my race was just bleak. There was a 80-100% chance of rain predicted nearly all day in the days leading up to the race. I obsessively checked the Weather Channel every few hours hoping that the forecast might change. I have a pretty good relationship with the weather gods and I figured surely they'd smile on me on the one day I needed them to.

While I clung to the vain hope the weather might not be horrific on race day, I mentally prepared for a deluge, a tempest, and a very tough race. I've battled through torrential rain before. I've logged countless miles on the Marina in a stiff headwind. I would fight like hell to give myself a chance of posting a 2:39:59, angry weather gods or not.

I watched the movie '300' the day before the race and reminded myself of what the brave Spartans accomplished in a seemingly hopeless situation. I would toe the line like Leonidas and spend it all. There was hope as long as I could put one foot in front of the other.

I nervously paced inside a makeshift tent an hour before the race as 30MPH winds shook the tent violently. Sheets of rain periodically pounded the top of the tent providing a loud reminder of just how angry the weather gods were that morning. I made one last silent plea for a break in the conditions that went unanswered. Fuck it. It was time for battle.

I had tunnel vision as I approached the start. I would hit my splits no matter what. The weather wouldn't scare me nor would it slow me down during the first 13.1 miles. I would stay the course and at least give myself a chance to run a 2:39:59.

I tucked in behind a group of runners running a pace comparable to mine and tried to find respite from the headwinds that roared vociferously. The rain soaked me within the first mile. The only saving grace was a mercury reading of 55. It wasn't frigid.

My mantra for the day was 'focus and relax'. I kept repeating this to myself as I focused on running as economically and efficiently as possible. The weather wasn't bothering me, but it was still early. I rolled through the first five miles right on pace.

The headwinds kicked up a notch and despite being in the rear of a peloton of drenched marathoners, there was no way to escape it for the next 5 miles. I reminded myself that I have run against the wind many times in the Marina, but I had never run 5+ miles against 30MPH headwinds. I put my head down and just kept running.

I neared a critical juncture at 13.1 miles. I had somehow managed to run a split close to 1:20, but could I maintain this pace for another 13.1 miles? To my chagrin, I realized my legs were already feeling a bit heavy/stiff. I had nailed my target pacing, but at what cost? It felt as if I'd run 17 miles at my target pace.

I was going to have to make a tough decision. I could attempt to hold pace and likely crash/burn a few miles later or I could dial it back a bit and focus on running a strong race that would likely result in a slower time. In my head, I knew which option was best. My heart wanted to go in a different direction.

Grudgingly, I opted for the former route and dialed it back a bit. Despite dialing things back, I didn't feel good. My legs were heavy. I was tired physically and mentally. I found myself in a dark space where I was contemplating bailing out or perhaps just walking a bit.

I repeated my mantra of 'focus and relax' a few times, but the urge to quit came back with a vengeance. I stopped looking at my watch as I knew my splits were well off what I wanted when I first toed the line. Seeing these undesirable splits would merely serve to discourage me further.

I searched desperately for something that would keep me mentally focused despite the change of plans. What ultimately prevented me from bailing out during the no man's land spanning miles 13-20 was the thought that bailing out would send the wrong message to all of the runners I support. You have to fight. Kick, scratch, claw, or crawl, but FIND A WAY.

I got to mile 20 and found a short-lived second wind that carried me through another couple miles. The soreness and fatigue was now stacking up like a house of cards. One false move and everything would collapse. I tried quickening my pace a bit in an attempt to use a slightly different range of motion. It was a desperation move as I could feel the wheels coming off.

While I had been rocked from the very beginning of this race and had long since stopped looking at my watch, I knew I was running near my personal best. Mile 24 approached and I entered another mental valley as I started to think about how I'd been thwarted yet again.

I quickly silenced this voice and reminded myself of how infrequently I even have an opportunity to race and how important it was for me to spend EVERYTHING when the opportunity presents itself even if I was going to fall short of my goal.

I could now feel the pull of the finish line and despite all the challenges presented that day, it appeared I was going to finish. With only a mile and change left I tapped into a bit of anger and bitterness to find one last gear.

The weather gods had stepped in my way today and I was pissed. The brief adrenaline surge I got from tapping into this was enough to carry me across the finish line just a few minutes shy of my personal best.

I failed to post a 2:39:59, but astonishingly, I was happy. This was the first time I'd toed the line for a marathon feeling ready to really race in over 4 years. I had never raced in such difficult conditions. I'd been challenged mentally and physically from the very beginning, but I never faltered.

The clock didn't reflect a personal best, but there's no doubt in my mind, that I put forth a personal best 'effort' that on any other day would have resulted in a personal best and perhaps the elusive 2:39:59 I've been chasing all these years. Maybe falling short was also the universe's way of telling me I've still got a few great races left in me and this journey isn't quite over...yet.

So, I run because I still haven't notched the 2:39:59 I wanted. I run because I've got a few more great races left. Most importantly, I run because the journey continues..

Tuesday Marina Run Course Description (2/24/15)

You will be logging between 2-5 miles depending upon your training level. The link below should give you a relatively clear sense of where we're going. I've also included a verbal description beneath it:

TUESDAY'S RUN COURSE!

A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE ROUTE-

In short, we will head NORTH from the Marina Green Monkey Bars on along Marina Boulevard until we reach the intersection of Mason/Halleck. This is 1 MILE! Beginners will turn around here and head back to the monkey bars for 2 MILES!

Everyone else will continue running on the paved path along Mason past SportsBasement. Shortly after we pass SportsBasement, there is a lengthy straight stretch and a funny looking metal power box on your RIGHT. There will also be a 'MM3' in chalk on the ground. This is 1.5 MILES. Intermediate runners will turn around and head back to the monkey bars for 3 MILES!

Advanced and Race level runners will continue past the 1.5 mile mark along the paved path. Eventually the path curves over to the right and merges with a dirt/fire road that heads towards the Warming Hut (for the uninitiated, the Warming Hut is A BIG WHITE BUILDING WITH TABLES AND BENCHES IN FRONT OF IT. Hopefully, it will be hard to miss). The Warming Hut is 2 MILES! Turn around here and head back to the monkey bars for 4 MILES!

Race level runners will continue running SOUTH along the paved path past the Marina Safeway and UP Fort Mason Hill. Crest this hill and go a bit further until you see the Youth Hostel on your RIGHT. Turn around here and head back to the monkey bars for 5 MILES!

Tuesday Marina Route Description (4/16/13)

You will be logging between 2-5 miles depending upon your training level. The link below should give you a relatively clear sense of where we're going. I've also included a verbal description beneath it:

TUESDAY'S RUN COURSE! (this map indicates '6' miles, but we will only be covering '5' miles')

A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE ROUTE-

In short, we will head NORTH from the Marina Green Monkey Bars on along Marina Boulevard until we reach the intersection of Mason/Halleck. This is 1 MILE! Beginners will turn around here and head back to the monkey bars for 2 MILES!

Continue running on the paved path along Mason past SportsBasement. Shortly after we pass SportsBasement, there is a lengthy straight stretch and a funny looking metal power box on your RIGHT. There will also be a 'MM3' in chalk on the ground. This is 1.5 MILES. Intermediate runners will turn around and head back to the monkey bars for 3 MILES!

Advanced and Race level runners will continue past the 1.5 mile mark along the paved path. After roughly 200 meters you will approach the intersection of Mason and Crissy Field Avenue. There is a stop sign and a pedestrian crosswalk here. You will take a quick RIGHT on Crissy Field Avenue and head uphill. Once you've crested the hill you have logged 2 MILES! Advanced level runners will turn around and head back to the monkey bars for 4 MILES!

Race level runners will turn LEFT on Lincoln and continue running towards the Presidio. You'll be looking down at Crissy Field once you're on Lincoln. Enjoy the AWESOME view! Continue running along the sidewalk/shoulder of Lincoln for roughly half a mile until you reach the intersection of Lincoln/Mcdowell. This is 2.5 MILES. I will try to put down a 'MM 5' in chalk on the ground for your reference. Race level runners turn around here and head back to the monkey bars for 5 MILES!

'Suggested' Marina Recovery Run Course Map & Description (7/4/15)

You will be logging between 4-7 miles depending upon your training level. The link below should give you a relatively clear sense of where we're going. I've also included a verbal description beneath it:

Run Course Map!

A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE RUN-

You will head NORTH from the Marina Green Monkey Bars on along Marina Boulevard for roughly 1/2 mile until we reach the grassy, volleyball court area on the right. Take a right and cut through the volleyball court area and run through the parking lot behind it. Turn LEFT onto the Marina Promenade which is a fire road/dirt trail.

Continue running on this path for roughly a mile. Eventually, this path will veer to the right towards the Warming Hut. Continue running towards the Warming Hut. For the uninitiated, the Warming Hut is A BIG WHITE BUILDING WITH TABLES AND BENCHES IN FRONT OF IT. Hopefully, it will be hard to miss). The Warming Hut is 2 MILES! Beginner runners will turn around here and head back to the Monkey Bars for 4 MILES.

ALL OTHER RUNNERS will continue past the Warming Hut towards the base of the Golden Gate Bridge. You will run roughly half a mile until you reach 'Hoppers Hands' which is right at the base of the bridge. This is a dead end, so you have to turn around. This is 2.5 MILES. Intermediate runners will have logged 5 MILES upon returning to the Monkey Bars.

Advanced and Race level runners will continue running SOUTH along the paved path past the Marina Safeway and UP Fort Mason Hill. Just as the hill is about to head down into Aquatic Park, Advanced runners will turn around and head back to the monkey bars for 6 MILES!

Race level runners will run down the hill into Aquatic Park. Run along the sidewalk adjacent to the waterfront. Advanced level runners will turn around at the end of Aquatic Park/Edge of Fisherman’s Wharf. Return to the monkey bars for 7 MILES!

I run because 2:39 is not just a number...

There's a number that haunts my dreams. Sometimes this number keeps me from dreaming, let alone sleeping.

It forces me onto the road when I have zero inclination to do anything that even vaguely approximates running. It forces me to run one more interval when I'm lightheaded and nauseous. It's not a number, it's a curse. This number is 2:39.

Am I being melodramatic? Maybe. but, if a single number has been rattling around in your head for 7+ years, it's a bit more than just a number. If it's not a curse, maybe obsession is another word that fits the bill.

This number has been on my mind because I have come perilously close to pulling it off on a number of occasions, but have fallen short often for reasons I haven't had any control over.

It started in 2005 when I had a spectacular race at the Chicago Marathon. I ran through the first half of the race in 1:20 and felt strong. A few miles later, GI issues forced a pitstop and I would end up finishing in 2:45. I was annoyed, but I'd be back next year to claim what was rightfully mine.

One year later, I was hobbled by plantar fasciitis and subsequent surgery to correct said plantar fasciitis. I was annoyed and a bit disheartened, but surely 2007 would be my year.

2007 would turn out to be a year of rehab, slow progress, and frustration. I could run, but I couldn't run the way I did in 2005. I was annoyed, disheartened, and a bit pissed off. 2:39 was out there beckoning to me, mocking me, and I didn't like it.

2008 arrived and while 2:39 was on my mind, it was largely in the back of mind. I simply wanted to get back to running healthy and happy on a regular basis which didn't happen very often in 2007.

As summer turned to fall, I started thinking maybe I could give the marathon another shot. Naturally, 2:39 was the first thing that came to mind.

I resumed training with 2:39 in mind. I could still do most of what I had done before, but it was harder than it had been three years prior. As I approached the conclusion of my training cycle, I realized 2:39 was too much of a stretch.

I compromised. I decided to run for 2:45 or faster. I'd do my best to notch a PR, but not the one I really wanted. It was a smart decision and it paid off, but 2:39 was still out there.

2009 was unequivocally going to be my year to post a 2:39. Brimming with confidence from the 2:43 I had managed to run in 2008, I pushed forward with my training. But, sometimes your past comes back to haunt you.

Plantar fasciitis returned and took up residence in my other foot. Acupuncture, cold laser treatment, graston technique, and a litany of other treatments failed.

Desperate to get rid of plantar fasciitis and still vainly clinging to the hope that I somehow would be able to run a 2:39 before the year ended, I explored an obscure treatment that is about as painful as it sounds (dry needling).

Lidocaine was injected into my heel to numb it. This was followed up by 'fascial perforation' with a needle that was designed to induce fascial bleeding. I was voluntarily submitting to this trauma as it was supposed to stimulate the healing process. All of this pain and suffering was driven by 2:39.

The dry needling procedure ultimately worked, but it was too late. 2009 was nearly over and while I was in the kind of shape to run a marathon, I knew my fitness level wasn't high enough to realistically attempt a 2:39.

Independent of the return of plantar fasciitis, I had my ass handed to me on pretty much every conceivable level in 2009. I knew I couldn't run a personal best or a 2:39, but there were some demons I needed to exorcise.

So, I toed the line despite that fact that I was marginally fit. I posted a 2:53 and was as happy about this as I reasonably could be. But, I was still nearly 15 minutes away from what I really wanted.

Another year had passed and I had come away empty-handed. I had exorcised some demons in 2009, but 2:39 wasn't one of them.

I was out for blood in 2010. I felt strong. I felt confident. Surely, 2:39 would be mine this time around. I was killing all of my workouts and the pace I needed to knock this one out was feeling within my grasp.

But, I was playing with fire during a compressed training cycle. My training was a volatile combination of too much, too soon, and too fucking fast. Ultimately, I was asking too much.

Two weeks before taper, my body called it quits and I was felled by a femoral stress fracture. I wasn't pissed this time around. I was just despondent.

I descended into an abyss of Netflix, red wine, and tears that lasted longer than it should have, but this latest setback was a veritable coup de grace. 2:39 had become this Sisyphean endeavor unlike anything I had ever encountered.

Maybe I simply wasn't meant to run a 2:39. How many more times did I need to try and fail? My confidence wasn't just rattled, it was obliterated.

2011 arrived and it was a year of transition for me on a variety of levels. 2:39 took a backseat as I forged ahead in bold new directions with my business and my personal life. I achieved a lot of 'personal bests' in 2011, but none of them were related to running a 2:39 marathon.

As 2012 began, I explored something completely different as I ventured into ultra-running. During the countless hours I spent by myself running the trails in the Headlands, my mind kept wandering back to 2:39.

Sure, I would be thrilled to complete a 50K and the 50 mile race I signed up for, but this wasn't the ultimate goal.

In the back of my mind was the idea that maybe somehow logging this mileage early in the year and challenging my body/mind in a different way might pay dividends later in the year and enable me to attempt 2:39 one more time.

Summer waned. I knew if I wanted to attempt a 2:39, I would need to start formally training soon. I gradually segued into training. I signed up for CIM on 12/2, but I wasn't fully committed.

I would opt out if I didn't feel like I was in optimal shape. I decided if I posted a 2:39 or faster, I would make this one my final competitive marathon.

Training progressed slowly and methodically. I failed to do a lot of the little things simply because my schedule barely had time for me to just get in the training I needed. But, the body didn't complain much.

Taper approached and with it came the realization that I might just be able to pull this off. I knocked off more than a few markedly challenging workouts with a little bit left in the tank. My final long run loomed large on the horizon...22 miles with 15 of them at my target pace.

Two years prior it was during this very workout that I incurred a stress fracture in my femur. In the days leading up to this run, I prepared for it like a race. I slept well. I ate well. I hydrated well. I got a massage. I listened to the music that helped me get in the right head space.

I showed up and simply killed the toughest long run I have ever attempted in preparation for a marathon and had something left when it was over. I got a bit choked up when I finished the run as I realized I might just be ready to run a 2:39.

I'm less than three weeks away from finding out whether or not I can finally get this number out of my head once and for all. I'm confident, but I'm not taking anything for granted.

Anything can happen. But, if I can get to the starting line healthy, I know I'm better positioned to run a 2:39 than I have ever been.

So, I run because 2:39 is not just a number. It's a mission. It's a quest. It's an obsession. It's all I want from running.

I run because I am GIANT..

I don't think anyone really knows who they are until they've had their back against the wall. Finding yourself nearly consumed by the jaws of defeat is where you find out what you're really about.

I'm not a baseball fan, but I will readily admit I was RIVETED by the San Francisco Giants postseason run to become World Series Champions last year. Seeing the Giants come back time and again when their backs were against the wall struck a chord with me and undoubtedly, countless others.

I found myself getting a bit choked up when the Giants finally completed their remarkable run. A few tears were shed when I heard Hunter Pence and a few of his teammates talk about chemistry, the x-factor, heart, and a little bit of magic helping them achieve something GIANT.

Running is markedly different from baseball. There's no 'team' per se in running. But, things have to click on race day in order for you to have a quality race. This involves doing the right training, nailing your nutrition/hydration plan, avoiding aggravations/injuries, getting your head straight, and a little bit of the x-factor.

It's this x-factor or 'magic' that can make the difference between a good race and a GIANT race. It's 'heart' that can help you rally from the deep valley of fatigue and exhaustion to take another step, to log another mile, and to fight your way to the finish line.

At my lowest point during my 50 mile race earlier this year, I was teetering on the precipice of defeat. My stomach was staging a revolt of epic proportions. My legs were seething with pain unlike anything I'd ever felt.

Getting my feet to simply land where I wanted them to was a monumental effort. My body was simply shutting down on me. I had never felt so small and vulnerable in my entire life.

But, I didn't give into these feelings of being vulnerable and diminutive. Whether it was my heart or a little pixie dust (or the Mountain Dew I knocked back), I managed to rally during the last 5 miles of the race and actually run all the way to the finish line.

On the road and in life, we all have times where we feel small and vulnerable. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. But, to push forward and continue on despite having your back against the wall is GIANT.

I run because to stop is to give into the fallacious notion that I'm small. I run because I am GIANT...and sometimes that's what's required.

Saturday Recovery Run (10/20/12)

Everyone's logging six miles. The link below should give you a relatively clear sense of where we're going. I've also included a verbal description beneath it:

SATURDAY'S RUN COURSE!

A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE ROUTE-

In short, we will head NORTH from the Marina Green Monkey Bars on along Marina Boulevard until we reach the intersection of Mason/Halleck. Continue running on the paved path along Mason past SportsBasement. Shortly after we pass SportsBasement, there is a lengthy straight stretch and a funny looking metal power box on your RIGHT. This is 1.5 miles.

Continue past the 1.5 mile mark along the paved path. After roughly 200 meters you will approach the intersection of Mason and Crissy Field Avenue. There is a stop sign and a pedestrian crosswalk here. You will take a quick RIGHT on Crissy Field Avenue and head uphill. Once you've crested the hill you have logged 2 MILES!

Turn LEFT on Lincoln and continue running towards the Presidio. You'll be looking down at Crissy Field once you're on Lincoln. Enjoy the AWESOME view! Continue running along the sidewalk/shoulder of Lincoln for roughly half a mile until you reach the intersection of Lincoln/Mcdowell. This is 2.5 MILES.

Continue past Lincoln/Mcdowell and continue on Lincoln. Eventually you will see the cemetery on the right. Run a bit further and continue onto Sheridan Avenue. You'll follow Sheridan a block past Montgomery (you'll notice a large grass field/square at Sheridan/Montogmery). At the intersection of Sheridan/Anza you will have logged 3 MILES! I will try to put down a 'MM3' in chalk for a visual cue. Turn around and return to the monkey bars for 6 MILES!